Shit Mothers Say in LA

shitpeoplesaytoponly

by Lindsay Gallagher on 01/31/2012

I just watched a very funny video on YouTube: Shit People Say in LA.  It was right on, but the two women were in their 20s and they didn’t have kids, so I decided to make a list of my own:

SHIT MOTHERS SAY IN LA

  • I just loved prenatal yoga with Gurmukh.
  • Our doula was the best photographer.
  • I had natural childbirth.
  • I had a home birth.
  • We vaccinated, but we waited 6 months and we broke up the MMR.
  • My pediatrician says if you’re gonna give your kid juice you might as well give them a soda.
  • I drank so much last night I had to pump and dump.
  • It’s Reggio.
  • Our pre-school teaches Shakespeare.
  • We could only live in a walking neighborhood.
  • I just dropped off the kids in my pajamas.
  • Yes, she’d love to have a playdate, but do you have an extra car-seat?
  • And that’s just for tuition — you’re also expected to give.
  • Our nanny only speaks Spanish to our kids.
  • Don’t worry, he’s not contagious anymore.
  • Our earthquake kit is due tomorrow.
  • Does that car come with a third row?
  • Wine messes with my sinuses so I only drink tequila.
  • Would you drive tonight?
  • Except for bacon, my daughter is a total vegetarian.
  • My daughter is a pescatarian.
  • If we get four boys together, they can share an hour golf lesson.  And we can carpool!
  • He’s a Leo and a Golden Dragon.
  • Her dad is that guy on that TV show.
  • We just put in a saline pool.
  • At that school the kids say things like:  “We never fly commercial.”
  • Do you think it’s asthma?  Maybe we should move to the beach — the air is so much better there.
  • My husband is on location so it’s like I’m a single parent.
  • LAUSD just cut another week of school.
  • We’re making an effort to do more cultural things.
  • I hate 3D.  It gives me a headache.
  • I’m so psyched they’re opening a Baby Cakes on Larchmont.
  • I can’t have lunch, I’m volunteering in the garden.
  • I wouldn’t mind getting a small B.
  • It’s a gel manicure.
  • You should take lessons at The Silverlake Conservatory.  I heard it was started by one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
  • We’re soooo overscheduled.
  • You know me – I never complain.
  • Going on auditions is like an after school activity for us.
  • Her first choice is USC, but we really want her to go to college back east.

 

About Lida James

Author of Beautiful Girl, mother of 2, wife of cinematographer, former dancer, snowboarder -- recovered bulimic.
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