Sister Wives

sisterwivesby Lindsay Gallagher on 11/4/2011

Heather Boylston, my Halloween sister wife, and me all dolled up. Special thanks to Heather for contributing to this post.

 

 

For Halloween my girlfriend, Heather, and I dressed as polygamist sister wives.  When we thought of it a year ago, we knew it was perfect for us.  We would wear those “modest” dresses; we would tease up our hair.  We were thrilled to have a creative solution to the quandary that is Halloween:  how to dress up and not look like a fool or a hooker or both.  Honestly, as mothers whose husbands work long hours, we have often joked that polygamy might be the way to go.  Sure, the sister wives we were dressed as live on a compound in the middle of nowhere and have all sorts of other restrictions beyond the style of their hair. (And they have to marry a hundred year old man)  In modern Los Angeles, we feel there are even more advantages to teaming up.

  1. Siblings.  Both of us have two kids, a girl and a boy.  When we were getting dressed for the party at my house, Ronan and Tess were fighting about what movie they wanted to see.  “But that’s for boys!” Tess wailed.  “I bet you wish we could just trade kids,” Heather said to Ronan.  He cocked his head to one side.  “Boys here, girls at my house – then you’d never have to have this fight.”   “Yes,” Ronan said.  “Please,” he begged.  Oh to have a brother!  Or for Tess to have a sister, someone to sing with/to, to play dress up or pop star or whatever it is they do.  How nice to have four kids, but only carry two!
  2. Food/cooking:  Since we don’t grow food, we have to shop at supermarkets like Trader Joe’s that often package their food for the giant family neither of us have.  Five pounds of sweet potatoes, six avocadoes – something always goes bad.  Together we could buy whole trays of berries at the farmer’s market and bulk items from Costco.  As cooks, we’d have twice the variety and half the clean-up fatigue.  Even take-out works better with more mouths to feed.  Try ordering Chinese for 2 ½.  Sometimes we don’t even hit the delivery minimum.
  3. Clothing:  Heather and I are about the same size, so we would double our options.  All our dresses would get out more and those nice tops we splurged on would suddenly seem cheap.  We could go halfsies on big-ticket items like an Hermés purse or a Gucci belt.  If we had the same shoe size, we could even afford a pair of Louboutin shoes.
  4. Housing:  Over the years we have even discussed buying a duplex, which was ultra appealing back in our baby-monitor days.  How wonderful to pop over to her side while our babies slept.  As it was, we were trapped, our husbands at work, kids sleeping, alone with a TV and a bottle of wine.  Living in the same house would be so much more fun, especially since we watch the same junky shows.
  5. Tennis:  A few years ago, there was a duplex on the market with a shared tennis court.  We could have been both partners and opponents, playing every single day.  Venus and Serena are the pro tour’s sister act – Heather and I could have been the Westside Tennis League’s sister wife act.
  6. Partying:  When Heather was under the teasing comb, I made the drinks.  We hitched a ride together with friends and kept each other company in the back seat.  There was karaoke at the party, something I would never do alone.  But I had fearless Heather by my side.  (Once we were good and tipsy, we sang “We Are Family.”)  When I was ready to leave, but Heather had only begun her assault on the greatest hits of the past three decades, her husband gave me a ride.  What a fun family of drinking buddies, bartenders and designated drivers we would be.  Even better if we had another wife to stay home with the kids.

Of course there is the sticky issue of sharing one man.  Heather has the best answer for that:  “Go ask Lindsay, I’m tired.”

About Lindsay Jamieson

Author of Beautiful Girl, mother of 2, wife of cinematographer, former dancer, snowboarder -- recovered bulimic.
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